Strong people tend to stay with people and situations far longer than necessary. They keep persisting and trying. But everyone has limits and at some point when they realise that their efforts are one sided, wasted, not wanted, that’s when they give up and walk away. When they finally walk away, they may still have doubts. But they know it’s right, and that staying in the situation would be futile and destructive. They need to be set ‘free’, to move on with their journey.
My situation fits into this. I drew a line in the sand when ‘When Study Goes Wrong’ was published. My time trying over and over again to work in the legal profession, something I studied long and hard for and even went onto higher studies for, was over. I made my choice to get as far away from law as possible when I wrote ‘When Study Goes Wrong’. I firmly believe that when something isn’t good for you, hurts you over and over again that you need to have the strength to walk away. That applies in life and in this case, work.
“I firmly believe that when something isn’t good for you, hurts you over and over again that you need to have the strength to walk away.”
Since publishing ‘When Study Goes Wrong’, I have heard from graduates going through the same, disillusioned and glad to know they aren’t alone. I have also connected with people who have offered assistance and guidance to start in the industry. I have declined all such offers. 10 years ago I would have jumped at the chance, even 3 years ago I would have jumped at the chance. However, times change, priorities change, and sadly, those offers of assistance came too late. The line has been drawn and I won’t step back over it to the other side.
I am slowly moving forward. I may be taking steps back in the process – there are ups and downs just like any other situation. Never back over the line though. Law lies over that line as a mistake not to be repeated. Things didn’t work out as intended, not for lack of trying and not due to failure. It just didn’t happen. Barely even an interview arose from the expensive pieces of paper. I was not well connected, I was not from a well-off family, I didn’t have an Australian name, I didn’t fall into any special category such as Indigenous Australians or refugees, and I was not exceptionally pretty either. Those are automatic difficulties in the profession I’d chosen believing that those things would not matter. I believed it was about knowledge and justice back then. I was wrong. As an 18 year old with big dreams, how could I know that the thing that really matters is who you know. This applies to other industries also.
Lawyer is not a title I like to associate myself with. The profession largely have no knowledge of integrity or justice. Only dollar signs. Scathing? Perhaps, but it is the truth of my experience. An experience that has left me in debt, struggling and disadvantaged in comparison to those who started their careers immediately without further study. I should have done the same – I fell behind by choosing law.
I can only take my recovery from this experience one day at a time. The drawing of the line in the sand helps to look forward and not to the past. I am strong enough to have walked away and I will be strong enough to continue moving forward without ever looking back.